Babies are so cuddly. They're smiley and tiny and they just smell soooo good.... And then they projectile vomit and it makes you pretty much convinced that Sigourney Weaver is going to show up just in time to see the evil force of an alien emerge from your baby's stomach, because SURELY nothing that powerful and vile could come out of your small, sweet child. The laws of physics only allow such demonstrations of force when we look at the ant. One tiny bug can carry up to 50 times its own body weight.... and I'm pretty sure my little Bug has puked with at LEAST that much strength this weekend.
Another reason that I'm pretty sure my baby has an alien inside of him is the sheer amount that has come back out of him recently (take your pick which end). Since having the flu bug, Isaac really hasn't eaten much at all. So doesn't it seem just a tiny bit suspicious that he is capable of barfing enough to create his own milky kiddy pool? I mean SERIOUSLY! It made legit puddles around him! We're talking splashable, people!!! If nothing was put INTO my baby, nothing should be coming OUT of my baby.... unless another life form has taken over his digestive track.
Those of you who get queasy easily may want to stop reading (but my guess is that those people probably stopped reading in the first paragraph).
Let's talk about the diaper situation for just one minute. Now, I had other mommies tell me that baby poo gets worse.... much, much worse. And I get it. Kids grow, so does the poop. Kids squirm during diaper changes, poop gets squished into places it shouldn't. Makes sense. But holy crap! (that was a crappy pun....) I was anticipating bigger poo in a few months or so, when the solid foods started. But sick baby poo is sooooooo much worse! Poor little man's diaper didn't stand a chance against this alien invasion (Ralph... let's just give him a name already... We all know he's in there!) The up-the-back incidents were the worst, really. My husband, who was lucky enough to have his own alien this week (we named him "Ooohhh God, WHY?!?", got the most of the Ralph And Isaac Show. He changed more diapers and, subsequently, outfits than anyone else. But the final encore was saved for us both. I fear that Ralph may have blown out the baby's bum hole, because there's just no way it could've gotten all the way up Isaac's back and onto his arms any other way.
And just as the weekend came to a close and we said goodbye to Ralph and Oooohh God, WHY?!?, I heard a knock on my own intestines. Guess who?
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