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     Taylor has a tendency to exaggerate just the tiniest bit when it comes to insects. She is convinced that ladybugs are bees, flies are wasps, and that stink bugs can outrun her. Granted, she's a pretty slow runner and all, but it's highly unlikely (not 100%) that a stink bug could catch up to her.... not to mention that they don't bite, but this has yet to eliminate her fears of the pre-historic looking creepsters. In fact, just this week, I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, only to find that there was no toilet paper left in the upstairs.... that was when I noticed that ALL of it had been crumpled up and thrown into the bathroom trashcan. I pulled out wads at a time and examined that they were all perfectly clean. Why? WHYYY???

     The next morning, after a rather lengthy round of "He/She Did It!", Taylor finally confessed that she was the one that had thrown away all of the toilet paper. When asked the reason for this odd and frustrating behavior (afterall, I noticed the lack of paper AFTER I had already sat and comfortably relieved myself), she informed me that during shower time the night before there had been a stink bug on the shower curtain. And in each moment of bravery, she grabbed a massive amount of tissue and walked cautiously towards the bug, only to chicken out and throw the paper in the garbage seconds later. She had these brave moments until every last square of toilet paper was gone, followed by paralyzing fear an equal number of times. I know this because I found the same stink bug on the shower curtain the next morning, very much alive and well. (PS, I used one square of tissue and killed the sucker very successfully.)

     So you can imagine my exasperation when Taylor refused to go into the half-bath this morning to brush her teeth before school, stating that "there are worms in the bathroom". (Did I say "stating"? I meant "shrieking".) Frustratedly, I told her to suck it up because it was probably just a lady bug and to brush her teeth. Cameron chimed in that there were indeed worms in the bathroom. Ugh, why do these children insist on making this 9-month pregnant woman come and inspect every little thing??? After I spent a good 5 minutes hoisting myself up off the couch, I slowly waddled to the bathroom. And what did my eyes see? Maggots..... EVERYWHERE. Now, Taylor exaggerates and has irrational fears of most insects. But there are two weaknesses that this mama shares with her and they are spiders (things with too many legs) and maggots (things with no legs).... I seriously cannot even deal with them without throwing up. (Not to mention my extra sensitive gag reflex that felt the need to kick in every few minutes while I panicked, cried, and stood in the kitchen staring at the bathroom door with terror in my eyes.

     Assuring the kids that their teeth wouldn't fall out if they missed brushing just this one time, I sent them out the door and watched them escape this House of Horrors by way of school bus. And then, I was left, alone, with a house full of flesh-colored fly larvae. It was then that I began inspecting the floors closely, only to realize that they were not just in the bathroom, but that they had spread to the family room, coat closet, and underneath the computer desk. I nauseously began to do the only sensible thing I could do..... I stood on a chair and sobbed. Thankfully my newly acquired weight didn't collapse the chair and I was able to eventually come to my senses and declare war on the wriggly creatures that were threatening to multiply and invade the rest of my home. Well, I wasn't going to go down without a fight.... afterall, I'm nesting! So, in a moment of bravery, I put my shoes on and grabbed an entire roll of paper towel (ahhhh, THIS is where Taylor got it from....). I tiptoed towards the first maggot and picked it up with a handful of thick tissue, only to realize that they don't kill very easily. You actually have to dig your fingernail into them until you feel an explosive "pop", assuring that they've actually been eliminated before going to their final resting place in my trash can (otherwise, the mating process will begin and the can will soon overflow with new little maggoty children crawling all over the place!).

     As I swallowed down mouthfuls of vomit, popping worms as I went, I realized that I had lost count after well over 100 killings.... and I hadn't even made it out of the bathroom yet. Where had they come from?? They weren't there the night prior, so how? HOW??? But no matter how much I tried to reason, I couldn't come up with an explanation. I allowed a Stalin-like mentality to overtake me as I plowed through worm after worm without ceasing, gaining momentum and courage as I went. And then, after doing research on what will kill maggots AND prevent their return, I thoroughly scoured the floors and re-sprayed the vinegar and poison solutions religiously every half hour, picking up carcasses and stray maggots in the potion's wake. I did this all day. Even now, each time I go into the infested rooms, I find escapees furiously looking for a safe haven to reproduce. But I have no mercy and I pop them with a spirit of vengeance. I curse them to Maggot Hell by promptly flushing them down the toilet after they've been severed.

     And when the kids arrived home, I had them put on their battle gear (shoes), grab their swords (ONE square of toilet tissue), and showed them how to fight the enemy. By the end, even little Taylor was willing to squish them and send their bodies floating down the drain. "See mom?" she said after a particularly productive casualty clean-up. "There really WERE worms in the bathroom!" And she was most certainly correct.

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